I WAS quite the sentimentalist for most of my life. I think part of that was my religious upbringing. The LDS Church is big on personal family history, and they are constantly encouraging the members of the church to keep records for future generations - scrapbooks, journals, etc. I saved things to give to my kids one day (crazy!), tiny little notes from everyone, and every trinket that was ever given to me. I knew the story behind everything I had. I would save books that were just going to be gotten rid of, even if I didn't care for the book, because one day I wanted to have a FULL library in my home that I planned to build. I loved to sit and go through my things for hours and relive memories, and now I was being asked to decide which memories were important enough to keep.
I struggled a lot. I took pictures of things that I knew I should get rid of but didn't want to forget completely. I made lists of all the books I got rid of in case I wanted to purchase them again later. I would agonize over certain items for days, moving it back and forth between the keep pile and the get-rid-of pile. I would research for hours about minimalism and tips for getting rid of things you are sentimentally attached to. I learned a lot through this process.
As difficult as it was, I felt a strange weight (no pun intended) taken off every time I threw something out, took a pile to the thrift store, or was able to sell to a used book store. It made me feel like I was accomplishing something. Yet there was also always too much stuff still. No matter how many things I "purged" from my life, I still had too much stuff. Things either took up too much space, or weighed too much. Over and over again I had to go through things I'd already sifted through and decide on more to get rid of. It seemed it would never end.
I was going to have a yard sale. I had been struggling with my eating habits a fair bit for a couple months into the process of minimizing my possessions, and the night before this yard sale, I purged for the first time. I felt IMMENSE relief afterwards. It felt as though I was finally able to accomplish something by getting rid of something, and I didn't have to worry about it any more.
When my fiance arrived to visit, he was planning to take a full suitcase back with him of my stuff. As we moved around the States for a little while visiting my family, always we had every thing I owned in this world in tow with us. It was embarrassing to take up that space, and have someone else always having to move my stuff. All I kept feeling when someone was helping me with my bags is, "I should be responsible for my own things. It's not fair that they have to struggle under the weight of my possessions. I should have gotten rid of more."
That mind set has cemented it's hold in my brain. Even though I am now divorced from the person that started me out on the path to get rid of possessions, and I never moved to Australia, I still am CONSTANTLY going through my things and thinking, "This is taking up space. I don't care for it. I don't use it. What a waste!" And I get rid of it. NOW, instead of it hurting to get rid of things, it hurts to keep things. It always feels like I have too many things all over the place, and I just want to simplify my life and possessions so that I can easily pick up and move myself anywhere if need be, and I wouldn't have to rely on the assistance of other to move around, and I could fit anywhere where there was space available for me and my puppy.
I just recently noticed a correlation between when I did my first self-induced purge with food and the start of having to "purging" possessions. I don't know if it's just coincidence or not, but ever since then, I have a hard time keeping too many things around, and I have a hard time keeping food down. Just like when I feel like I've eaten too much and need to throw up or exercise it out, when I feel there are too many things around me, I need to get rid of them. If I can't get to a thrift store soon enough, often I will just throw things in the dumpster. I don't even really have the patience to sell things any more.
Just an interesting thought . . . thanks for listening!
Until next time - "Choose the Good!"
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